Valet 'Illatha' Parking

Take your car into a mall, movie theatre, hotel or absolutely any other business that doesn't believe in wasting space on parking for its customers, and almost immediately a new breed of service providers loom large in your windscreen.

They are called valets, though I believe that 'parking consultants' will be the norm in future. Now I'm allergic to letting some bloke with dubious driving skills have a go at my dream boat.

Why?

Do I want it driven off like the route was Paris-Dakar, as soon as my back was turned?

Do I want its gear box to croak in protest, as it is put through the paces by someone who could have been a wrestler if he weren't trying to be a driver?

Do I want to wonder where my car will be parked when clearly the lot looked stuffed to the gills?

Do I want to puzzle over what "PARKING AT OWNERS' RISK" means when somebody else has the key?

Do you?