Wednesday, January 30, 2008

No tit for tat.

Your employer will always want you to exceed expectations,
but try asking him/her to reciprocate.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

10x smoother than what?

10x smoother than what? Watch the TVC carefully, and you'll have he answer. In the almost invisible type which appears below the 10x claim. Try and read what it says, when the ad appears next on TV, before you buy.

What's in a name?

A girl I met at a friend's place pulled this one on me.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"


"Manoj who?"

"Ma-noj is running."


Here's another I thought up on the way to work.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"


"Manoj who?"


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Forehands versus legs

She has legs to die for, and yet Vijay and Alan only seem to have words for Maria Sharapova's forehands. Sigh!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I used to. Now I don't.

There was a time when I used to zip around the garden city on my Suzuki Samurai. Beating traffic signals while amber blinked to red. Ripping past the long arm of the traffic cop even before it emerged from the pocket it was happily settled in. I even fancied 'Jack the Ripper' as a very handy handle.

Then I said "I do", and that was the end of that. I now stick to one lane. I use indicators. I rarely use the accelerator. I stop at amber lights. And so on along that exciting road.

So when the other day I saw these bikes zoom past me, some fond memories came racing back. I was seated in a car, stuck in traffic and the joys of 2-wheeler travel were flashing by.

I smiled. Only till I realised that these flashes weren't happening on the road, but on the sidewalk. I then started imagining pedestrians weaving around to to get out of the way. A la Matrix. And every now and then, a thud.

Ah, the little joys of travel in the city. I smiled once again.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Insights from the loins of the Indian male

A golden yellow liquid. A popular drink among Indian men. And an advertising baseline that makes you wonder why.

"Mera No. 1"

Now I also wonder what might have led the ad agency down this odorous route. What insight could have emerged from the underwear of the Indian male that resulted in this wondrous positioning? The purported medicinal qualities of what flows down under?

Now given the rather sensitive nature of the area under discussion, I'm sure I'm better off not knowing. I'm not a whisky drinker either. So I'll let this sleeping dog lie and wait for you to wake him up.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Managing on time performance

Was at the airport to receive family last night. And as I waited for the plane to land at the scheduled time of 10.25 pm, I glanced up at the arrivals screen for an update.

At 10.15 pm, I looked up at the screen for the first time. It read thus.

Flight number: IT2484
From: Kochi
Arrival time: 10.25 pm
Status: On schedule

Which was all very well. But then the clock ticked past the 25th minute of the 23rd hour of the day, and nothing ticked over on the screen. And so it remained till 11.15 pm, when the plane finally landed and the screen gloriously proclaimed "Arrived".

So what was that routine on the screen all about?

Fiction by Kingfisher while you waited for your flight to land?

Or the efficient management of 99% on time performance.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

New Year Seethings

On January 1, 2008, I received a ton of messages wishing me well for the next 364 days. All along predictable lines, boring as hell. "May Father Time shower you with prosperity and happiness during every minute of the ... blah blah blah blah ... belch."

Finally when I thought I had seen the last of them, another one rang the bell on my phone. It was from a friend of several years, Pritam Shetty. A man whose reputation for a wicked sense of humour went miles before him.

His message read thus.

"To all those who last year sent me best wishes for 2007, well it didn't fucking work!!! So for 2008 could you please send me money, alcohol or car keys."

I thanked him for making my day.

Turn of phrase

I often hear this line uttered by well-schooled, well-heeled men in absolute seriousness.

"Let's touch base."

I find it hilarious. Just imagine 2 grown men rubbing butts.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Getting it write

I received a message on my phone the other day. From a colleague.

It read, "Hi Manoj, it's hard. I will be late".

But for the fact that it was raining heavily that day, I might have been led to think that I had just received an update on a wet dream.

Before, after and thereafter

I was quite excited by this idea till I found out that something similar had already been done.

Friday, January 04, 2008

New year resolutions and the health of the fitness industry.

Gym memberships always figure high on the list of resolutions for the new year. And not surprisingly, those in the business of melting fat and building muscle are busy throwing up offers and schemes to rake in the moolah from the new born fitness freak.

A month down the line, the enthusiasm to climb out of bed at 6 in the morning wanes. The nip in the air, and the warm blanket that envelopes you, simply refuses to let you climb out and join a long queue of middle-heavy, middle aged men waiting to board the treadmill. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

So there it is. Another year in which you contribute to the fitness industry's fitness by staying home. And come next January, you'll find a reminder in your mailbox asking you to renew your membership to avail long term savings.

Happy new year sucker.